Great things come from New Jersey. Frank Sinatra. The Boss. Me. And, of course, Jon Bongiovi.
I know nothing about Bon Jovi save the big super hits that catapulted him and his group to megastardom. Is there anything more to the once high-haired glam pop rock than just faux country anthem rock?
Let’s find out.
Bon Jovi – Crush – 2000 (buy it)
Oh, hey, Fountains of Wayne! Jon Bon Jovi is stealing your sound! Yeah. I know. At the time of Crush no on had really ever heard of you but on “Say it isn’t so” it’s pretty clear that they had heard Utopia Parkway and decided that power pop rock was still alive and that you guys were doing it best. Why not rip it?
What, you say? “It’s My Life” sounds nothing like FoW? This is true. It kind of sounds like *NSync, dontcha think?
I don’t understand Crush. I don’t like it. But I don’t hate it. (Sense a pattern??) Bon Jovi is harmless. When they stop recording they will have registered nary a blip on the historical soundscape of Rock and Roll. I’m sure of that. They have been coasting on one or two singles, good looks, a name and a memory of gigantic singles. I imagine that their fans just buy their stuff because they feel like they have to. Like BJ speaks a language they understand. In other words: rock that doesn’t offend. Rock for the Jack FM listener. Boring, yes, but at least the listener gets to think they are listening to rock music. They aren’t. They are listening to pap.
Oh, shit. I think I’m reaching nadir. I don’t know how to find other words to describe this “music”.
It’s pointless.
Have you heard the hit single? You’re good. Did you ever see the video? Where “Tommy” is on the phone with “Gina” and racing to meet her at a bon jovi concert? You didn’t. Oh. It’s shit. Like the rest of this record.
Screw it. This CD is hurting my ears.
***********
Okie doke.
I’m done with this. It took forever, by the way. It’s freaking LONG. 60+ minutes AND there’s a couple bonus tracks I got (which are better than most of the stuff on the rest of the cd.
That said. It isn’t a hateful piece of loathsome trash. It’s almost, but not quite.
Truth is, at this point Im just not sure why these guys make music, what inspires them or if anything does besides the paycheck and the sweet Heather Locklear/Denise Richards ‘tang.
Personally I find it laughable that the band tried to “reinvent” themselves with an “edgier” look but, what the fuck, they’re posers. And, oh, yes, how can i forget? Why is It’s My Life the only likable song on this piece of drek? Because it was co-written by Max Martin, he of Britney Spears fame. The man could wipe his ass and find a pop hook in it.
Grade B-
A Side: It’s My Life
Blindside: One Wild Night
Downside: Thank you for loving me. (Shut up, Jon)
