Great things come from New Jersey. Frank Sinatra. The Boss. Me. And, of course, Jon Bongiovi.
I know nothing about Bon Jovi save the big super hits that catapulted him and his group to megastardom. Is there anything more to the once high-haired glam pop rock than just faux country anthem rock?
Let’s find out.
Bon Jovi – 7800 Farenheit – 1985 (Buy it)
Hey! Is that Motley Crue? Is it Def Leppard??? No, it’s generic metal power pop gods Bon Jovi!
The opening track sounds like it the band sat down, listened to the radio, listened to High and Dry and Shout at the Devil and decided, hey we can do that! The result? Watered down rock that shoots a perfectly aimed bullet between the legs of teenage girls who, 20 years later, would probably have eschewed this for *NSync.
There is absolutely no change to the formula. Big, echoing snare drums, doubled (tripled) lead vocals, power chords, soaring leads, it’s all here. And completely forgettable in a St. Elmo’s Fire soundtrack kind of way.
I have a theory that Bon Jovi is to glam metal as Billy Joel is to classic rock. Harmless, hummable and sellable. I think I am doing Mr. Joel a disservice. Based on 7800 Farenheit, there’s no there there.
It’s frustrating and infuriating to listen to JB struggle to emulate Bruce on songs like “Silent Night”. And that’s probably why I was predisposed to hating Bongie from the get go. I’m a Jersey boy. The ONLY roots rocker from Jersey is Bruce. You can try, sure, to dethrone him, but don’t steal his sound to do it. John Cafferty and the Beaver Brown Band have more credibility than this record.
There is aboslutely no reason, even if you are the biggest, most desperate, cry-when-you-look-at-his-poster-on-your wall, fan, that you need to ever listen to this album.
Grade D
A Side: In and Out of Love
Blindside: There are no surprises on this record.
Downside: Silent Night
